We Can Do Hard Things — A Journey Through Pain, Power, and Healing by Glennon Doyle, alongside Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle

We Can Do Hard Things — A Journey Through Pain, Power, and Healing

Introduction 

In a world riddled with complexity and emotional weight, We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle, alongside Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle, is both a survival guide and a life manifesto. Through twenty probing life questions and a chorus of diverse voices, this book explores the depths of identity, trauma, self-discovery, and resilience. The narrative is not linear but cyclical, recognizing that healing, growth, and truth are revisited and re-understood daily. This article synthesizes key themes and insights from the book, showing how it addresses the messiness of life and the power of vulnerability.

1. The Root of the Question: Why Am I Like This? Doyle initiates her exploration by unearthing the reasons behind our behavioral patterns and emotional scars. She explains how survival within familial and cultural systems often requires self-fragmentation. Childhood experiences of emotional neglect or control lead individuals to craft performative identities, driven by the desire for acceptance. These performative masks often conceal the authentic self, buried under generational trauma, societal expectation, and personal fear.

2. The Struggle for Authenticity: Who Am I Really? Once the awareness of one's performative roles is established, Doyle encourages readers to rediscover their authentic selves. However, this journey is not one of uncovering a single truth, but of embracing multiplicity. Drawing from Internal Family Systems therapy, the authors explain that we are a community of selves formed by experience, pain, and resilience. Healing involves honoring each part and understanding their protective intentions.

3. Returning to the Self: How Do I Know When I’ve Lost Myself? Losing oneself is a gradual process facilitated by societal norms and the pressure to conform. The book emphasizes that disconnection manifests as numbness, over-functioning, or constant anxiety. Doyle's voice here is gentle and fierce: to return to oneself is to slow down, listen, and validate one’s emotional truth—even if it contradicts external expectations. The act of remembering becomes an act of reclamation.

4. Understanding Desire: How Do I Figure Out What I Want? In a society that trains individuals, particularly women, to suppress desire, this question becomes revolutionary. The authors suggest that desire is not frivolous but sacred. It is a compass that, when followed, leads to liberation. They explore how cultural conditioning distorts desire and how recovery involves separating internal truth from external noise.

5. Action Through Clarity: How Do I Know What to Do? Decision-making is not just logical but emotional and intuitive. Doyle posits that we must learn to trust our inner wisdom, which is often obscured by trauma or people-pleasing. The book recommends practices such as silence, stillness, and curiosity to hear one’s own voice. It also asserts that courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in alignment with inner truth despite it.

6. Embracing the Challenge: How Do I Do the Hard Thing? "We can do hard things" becomes a mantra of resilience. Hard things include setting boundaries, leaving unhealthy relationships, confronting injustice, and staying present through pain. The authors emphasize that difficulty is not a sign of error, but often an indicator of alignment. Support systems, honesty, and persistence are identified as tools for enduring life's hardest moments.

7. Letting Go and Grieving: How Do I Let Go? Letting go is described as one of the hardest and most important emotional skills. Whether releasing identities, relationships, or expectations, the process involves grief. Grief, in turn, is portrayed not as an obstacle to healing, but as a gateway. The book honors the cyclical nature of mourning and growth, validating the pain while championing the freedom it eventually brings.

8. The Body as a Battleground and Sanctuary: How Do I Make Peace with My Body? Doyle and collaborators deeply explore body image, eating disorders, and societal beauty standards. They argue that the body is politicized, gendered, and often disconnected from the self through trauma and cultural scrutiny. Healing requires reconnection and radical acceptance. The narrative pushes back against objectification and invites readers to see their bodies as trustworthy and sacred.

9. Unmasking Systems: How Has Culture Shaped Me? A recurring insight in the book is that personal struggles are not purely personal—they are systemic. Doyle examines how racism, patriarchy, capitalism, and religious fundamentalism shape our perceptions of self-worth, value, and power. By identifying these influences, the book empowers readers to disentangle their identities from oppressive systems and redefine freedom on their own terms.

10. The Call to Belonging: What Is the Point? Ultimately, Doyle concludes that the point of life is not to fit in but to belong—to oneself and to a compassionate, inclusive community. Belonging, unlike fitting in, does not demand conformity. It invites authenticity. This final reflection ties together the entire work as a manifesto for personal truth, shared humanity, and collective healing.

Conclusion We Can Do Hard Things is not a simple self-help manual; it is a nuanced meditation on the lived human experience. It urges readers to embrace their contradictions, to mourn their pasts, to trust their desires, and to face life with courage. The book insists that even when the way is hard, we can do it. Together, with honesty, compassion, and community, we can.

References
Doyle, Glennon, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle. We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions. The Dial Press, 2025.

About the Authors

The trio of Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle brings a powerful blend of authenticity, vulnerability, and wisdom to their collaborative book, We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life’s 20 Questions. As co-hosts of the chart-topping podcast of the same name, these women have built a reputation for tackling life’s toughest topics with honesty and heart, and their book reflects this same raw, relatable energy. Each author contributes a unique perspective shaped by their personal journeys and professional achievements, making the book a rich tapestry of insights drawn from their lived experiences and conversations with 118 “wayfinders” such as Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Brandi Carlile.

Together, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda create a dynamic synergy, blending personal storytelling with collective wisdom from their podcast guests. Their book doesn’t claim to have all the answers but instead offers “snapshots” from their journeys, encouraging readers to find their own paths through life’s universal questions. Critics have noted the book’s length (approximately 500 pages) and its occasionally wordy style, but its strength lies in the authors’ refusal to shy away from vulnerability or pretend to have it all figured out. The trio’s diverse backgrounds spanning literature, sports, law, and activism make We Can Do Hard Things a uniquely multifaceted guide, resonating with readers who seek both inspiration and practical tools for life’s challenges.